Rotten Tomatoes Plot: Making his debut as a big-screen director and leading man, RZA- alongside a stellar international cast led by Russell Crowe and Lucy Liu- tells the epic story of warriors, assassins and a lone outsider hero in nineteenth-century China who must unite to destroy the clan traitor who would destroy them all. Since his arrival in China's Jungle Village, the town's blacksmith (RZA) has been forced by radical tribal factions to create elaborate tools of destruction. When the clans' brewing war boils over, the stranger channels an ancient energy to transform himself into a human weapon. As he fights alongside iconic heroes and against soulless villains, one man must harness this power to become savior of his adopted people.

Director: RZA (Experience? ‘I made my albums like movies, you know what I mean?’)

What’s Best: Nobody stopped me, when I got up to leave after 45 minutes. Outside of that... nada. This is the worst movie of the year (hands down.)

What’s Not: For the life of me, I have no idea why anyone would hand over complete control of a $20 million movie to a novice. Sorry Wu-Tang Clan fans, but RZA is in no way, shape or form capable of handling acting, directing and writing chores. His acting is lifeless, his directing scattered and his writing (along with Eli Roth) atrocious. Did I miss anything?

Technically yes... I walked out of the theater, after WWE star David Bautista chopped off both of RZA’s arms (in typically gruesome, The Man with the Iron Fists fashion.) Before that, I was subjected to some of the worst writing in the history of film, ‘When it comes to money, things get funny.’ ‘Never turn your back on a wolf: It will bite you in the ass.’ ‘Every dog loves to chase the pussy cat.’ And my personal favorite, ‘These mother fu*kers had a Gatling gun and more bullets than the Chinese had rice.’

Bonus: I dare you to find two villains (the above pictured Bronze and Silver Lions, played with Razzie-like deadness by Cung Le and Byron Mann) that look more ridiculous. Love the Tina Turner-Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome wigs!

Best Line: You want more? Oscar winner Crowe, who sorta resembles Kung Fu Panda (easy on the dumplings Russell) has a fight with an even fatter guy named Crazy Hippo. After gutting the poor guy, Crowe’s Jack Knife is asked by Madam Blossom (Liu,) ‘Shall I have the other half of Mr. Hippo delivered to your suite?’ Crowe one-ups Liu minutes later with a seductive, ‘If you’re good, maybe we’ll play a game called lets pretend we’re Catholic.’ I wish I was making this stuff up.

Overall: Do you like to see arms torn off? Throats ripped open? Knife boots through the head? Laughably bad acting and guys who turn into bronze and back again? Then, The Man with the Iron Fists is for you! I can do better things with my time than watching Asian prostitutes giggle while holding back “I love you long time.” Can you believe this film was originally four hours long? No wonder there was only one other person in the theater with me. Make sure you wash your hands of this poorly executed bloodbath.